2023 seemed to fly by in a blink, at least for me. While 2023 has ended, I wanted to share a personal reflection on 23 things I learned as a 23-year-old in 2023.
Having graduated college early this year, getting a full-time position, and learning to adjust to life after school, it has been a year of firsts and many lessons. Although it was a challenging year in its own way, I look back with gratitude for each moment. Now I will admit a lot of these may sound silly or like an early twenty-year-old learning basic life lessons, but nonetheless, each lesson was something that held value in this past year of my life and I hope to carry with me into 2024.
- Love, kindness, and forgiveness are essential
This is something I have always felt, but was something I came to see more and more as true this year. Always approach a situation or person with love, kindness, and forgiveness for them and yourself.
- Treat Yourself like a child you must care for
Sometimes it can be hard to take care of yourself. One thing that actually helped me to prioritize my health and well-being was to treat and talk to myself like a child. Not in a belittling sense, but a loving nurturing one. I even taped a picture of myself as a child on my bathroom mirror as a constant reminder to take care of ‘her’, or myself.
- Do not dim yourself for the comfort of others
My stepmother has always told me to “shine bright”. This has been a huge part of my upbringing that I am so grateful for. My father and she have always supported me in being myself, so much so that my first tattoo is an Edison lightbulb to remind me to shine bright. With all that said, I realized this year that I dim myself to fit in certain spaces or make those around me more comfortable. I have not been as true to myself as I used to be, and have found I am happier when I can be myself. My advice to you, shine bright.
- Let it all work out
I cannot take credit for this realization alone. To be honest, “Let It All Work Out” by Lil Wayne was the second most-played song of the year on my 2023 Spotify-wrapped. In all honesty, I was surprised it was not number one. As someone who worries more than they should, it is something I needed to hear a lot this year, and I found that when a situation is out of your hands, it can be freeing to release your mental grip and have faith that it will be okay.
- Progress is progress, no matter how small
This one is for my perfectionists. I heard someone on a podcast say something along the lines of, “If you don’t have to work hard for something, is it really worth it?”. All goals and changes require effort and consistency. With that being said, a little progress is always better than none. Whatever goal you set to achieve, make sure to be consistent, even if the effort fluctuates. On days that it’s hard, just remember that progress of any size is progress.
- Celebrate your wins
When you do achieve your goals, celebrate them and yourself. Even if it’s a small goal, celebrate with yourself by singing in the car or a little treat. Life can be rough, and recognizing the work you put into your goals should be celebrated.
- Speak up, no matter the consequences
This one kind of correlates to the third lesson on the list, but it is equally, if not more, important. Your experiences and emotions matter. When you feel the need to say something, do not be afraid to say it. Many times I have held my tongue and each time I learn that nothing changes when you do. It can be terrifying to be frank and honest with people when you think they do not want to hear what you want to say. But if not saying something is causing stress or struggle, you are only hurting yourself. And I also learned that sometimes people do not like what you say, and can have many different reactions. But at the end of the day, using your voice to advocate for yourself or others will be worth whatever follows. Use your voice, even if it shakes when you speak.
- Mindset really does matter
Create a playlist or find a podcast that brings you joy. Listen to it as you get ready for the day. Starting the morning with a positive attitude can be challenging some days, but makes a difference. If noise in the morning is not your cup of tea, find some affirmations to say a few times instead.
- Embrace mess
Whether it’s your life or sometimes your space, mess can be okay. If anything, life is a beautiful mess because you have to have the downs to have the ups. And sometimes a mess in your space just means that it’s lived in, memories are made and aesthetic isn’t everything. Let go of the perfectionism or need to feel together from time to time and enjoy the moment you’re in.
- Confidence is important
Confidence, even faux, is important. If you don’t feel you have confidence, fake it till you make it. If you act like you know what you’re doing, most people can not tell. And to be frank, isn’t everyone faking it?
- It’s okay to say no
Say no more often. Stop feeling obligated to join outings or agree to things that do not bring you joy or fulfillment. Setting boundaries should be respected and if someone makes you feel bad for saying no, feel even less bad.
- Cats always make it better, or coffee
For me, if I’m down, my cats or a cup of coffee is a cure. What this means is to find those small things that lift your spirits and serve as a reminder of why life is good. Whether it’s your favorite meal, drink, song, show, or person, keep these reminders in your back pocket for those rainy days or weeks.
- Always choose quality over quantity
I usually advise this when it comes to shopping, but I’ve learned that this can be applied to most areas of life. The quality of things or people should always come before quantity.
- “Stay in your lane”
A friend shared this tidbit with me, and since then, I’ve come to agree with her advice. For someone who feels like they need to go above and beyond, sometimes the best thing to do is stay in your lane. Do not exhaust yourself and your efforts by taking on responsibility outside your role, because you then allow others to relinquish their responsibility. Also, taking on more does not necessarily mean you will be appreciated or noticed for going out of your way. This may actually hurt you in the end, because then you could be expected to do more than you initially were. So, stay in your lane.
- In all areas of your life, balance is key
My dad told this to me when I was in high school. At the time, I accepted it at face value, but this past year I realized what he meant. Work-life balance is essential; balance between spending time with family, friends, and yourself is essential; Taking care of your health but also relaxing and enjoying life is essential. Balancing can be hard, but too much of one thing will cause burnout, loneliness, exhaustion, or unfavorable results.
- Life is an occasion, treat it as such
Every day is a gift to live and try again. It’s easy to overlook that our days are not promised sometimes. Therefore, treat every day that you wake up as an occasion to be happy about and celebrate. This tip ties into the “mindset matters” advice. If every day is special because you woke up, it makes it harder to get down about the smaller inconveniences of life.
- Play is important, no matter your age
I think as we grow, we think that to be an adult you have to be serious. We forget to use our imaginations and turn boredom into adventure. Setting time aside to enjoy hobbies or even flat our indulge in activities you enjoyed as a child should be encouraged more. Regaining that childlike joy can help keep your spirits higher, reducing burnout.
- People do not care as much as you think
This one is for my self-conscious people. I promise you that strangers are not staring at you and thinking about you the way you think that they are. Everyone is so involved in their own lives and thoughts that they are rarely thinking the things you are worried they are. If anything, you may just be a small detail in their day that they will forget in a day or two. So, don’t let the worry of how you’re perceived by others stop you from being yourself, wearing what you want, or doing something fun.
- Take the risks
At the end of the day, I’ve learned I would rather have memories to look back on than regrets. And even if I have some regrets, I’d rather them be because I took action that did not turn out the way I imagined than wonder how they could have worked out. As someone who second-guesses a lot of my decisions, I’ve learned that risks make life worth living because they have been some of my best decisions this past year.
- Do at least one thing future you will be thankful for
I use this phrase with myself when my energy is lower than I’d like. Some nights I don’t want to wash my face cause it’s late, but I know that If I do not, I will be upset in the morning when I’m breaking out. These things don’t have to be major, just something that you will be grateful for tomorrow, or next week.
- It’s okay to fail, seriously.
This may be my favorite lesson of the year. It was a hard one to learn, but some weird part of me wishes I had learned it sooner. Failing or falling short is not the end of the world. If anything, it is the only way to progress. If everyone who failed the first time gave up, where would we be today? Failing does not define you. Each failure or redirection is an opportunity to grow even more or try something new. Next time you fail, give yourself credit for trying and don’t forget to try again.
- Comparison is the thief of joy
With social media and advertisements, it is hard to not compare your life or self with what you see. But most images are edited and photoshopped, people only post their best moments and pictures, and others’ beauty and success do not diminish your own. Comparison is not useful in the way that most of us compare today.
- Make time for those you love
Looking back on 2023, my favorite moments of the year were those I spent with the people I love. Life can get busy, but making time for coffee, lunch, or even a quick visit can easily become a favorite memory or the highlight of your week. As the years seem to pass quicker and quicker, be sure to fill them with as many memories as you can with those you love.